something wrong with my head

Arrrrggghhh, what’t wrong with my head. Anyone can fix it?

Why im in such pain , keeping me in this chain

I want to move on, but I can’t

what is my reason to bear on

I just can stare to the night sky

That I found just a bright moon on the other side

I know you wouldn’t recognize me

There are many people stare at you right now I think

God, please take this pain away from me

I know I am not a good person, but I try to be better

Maybe I am just a fool but that’s me

Wherever I do, I just can stare at you

Moon

Back to work…

After having long weekend in Bandung, finally I’m came back to Jakarta, back to my work at XL. And here I am now… working in my night shift schedule, processing PRM and billing. As I predict yesterday, there are still many problem in my job , but I will try to solve all my problem one by one, or you could say first thing first kekekeke…

This night I work along in my team with Akhmal and Ice, in Bulk Activation Team there are Dwipa and Taryo, and also Edi from EIS Team. Fuhhh, so I think I will just finish my work for now.

 

with love

ontang

Last night in my day off

This is the last night in my day off in Bandung. After having 7 days vacation in Bandung, tomorrow I will be back to Jakarta. Yeah, this long weekend really give me full spirit again to face many problems that could happen in my job in XL. Before I left last week, there are so many problems happen in my job, and actually I didn’t hope that all problems could be finish when I going back to my job tomorrow :p. Perhapsly, I already got pecimistic about all problems that occur in my job. But now I ready to face the problem anyway. Like the book that Alit-Bro read lately “Feel the Fear and Face it”, huahuahuahua…

Tomorrow I get night shift on my schedule calendar so I will be back in 8 on the morning using Travel. Fuhhh…, it’s been to hard to leave my home, but I think I have my rest much in this long weekend. I couldn’t wait to get to work again, doing something better to change the world . I already prepare for tomorrow, all of my clothes already on the bag, perfume that Mr. K and Rika order already on the bag also, except my laptop, because I still used it to write this Post :p.

So I think I will just get rest after this post and actually we will back again tomorrow, soon .

Good Night all….

 

with love,

ontang

Evening Prayer…

In this Saturday evening, I went to the curch with my sister to get mass. Usually in my hometown, I get to the Agustinus church in Saturday or Ignatius church in Sunday. So because of this day is Saturday we went to Agustinus.

But actually before the mass started I still couldn’t concentrate my mind . I still thinking of her, *what the… this is Mass my men, why you still thinking of her in this such time*. Yeah I actually couldn’t get rid of her completely from my mind. So I kneel down on my knees and pray to the God Lord. I know He know my problem completely, but still I tell all about my story to the God . And I spend all of my pray to Him, that i cannot tell to all of you . And praise the lord, just before the Mass started, I finish my personal pray and miracoulesly, I can concentrate all of my mind to the God in this Mass, thanks God.

And after the Mass, I feel much much better and full of spirit than before. Yeah, I feel like I can take over all my problem for now .

 

with love

ontang

If I can take a little pain of yours, I will have it

In last 4 days in my day off in Bandung, I experiences a tooth sickness. Actually my teeth is not as good as look, I have many plate in my teeth. It’s because when I a kid, I didn’t brush my teeth well , even when my mom told me to do so. And because of that I got to regulary check my teeth to the dentist.

When I got this sickness in last 4 days, I think this is because of the weather that get too cold in here. So maybe the plate is reacting to this cold and it makes my teeth sick. Until yesterday, I got chat with the one I love. She told me that she got some tooth sickness, because of her cuspid growing not well. She already got check to the dentist and the dentist wanna see the growing of her cuspid until next week. If in the next week her cuspid didn’t have significant grow so she must have operation for her teeth.

So, what’s the point now… I am get tooth sick, and she have tooth sick too… is that just a coincidence (Actually I didn’t have tell her that I have got tooth sick too because I think that’s to lame to tell her :p). So i thinking a while and I also get some quote in my head that fullfill my mind right now. Yeah, just like my title above “If I can take a little pain of yours, I will have it”. So I think it’s not a coincidence. It’s more like If you really love someone, you will get a little connection with her… maybe when he got headache, you will get a little headache too, or when he got sad, you will got a little sad too.

Hahaha… don’t get to serious about that, I’m just connecting one-two condition about me and her… so you can say that I am to foolish right now …

After that little chat I also get some conclusion, that she maybe doesn’t love me as a same that I love her. That’s conclusion come because of her responds to me is not like a person that not wanting me . She more like just a friend that will give you courage when you are down, sad, or sometimes share a little happiness. Not like a person that wanna tell all of herself to the one that she love. But I think for now I am ok with that, because I am also cannot wanting much about her, so I think this condition is enough for me right now .

 

with love,

ontang

Why am I such a fool and you are such a beautifull queen???

Huh, that’s a foolish question that always come in my mind lately…

Why am I such a fool? I don’t know what is mean to be a fool, but I think I have got it right now. I think to be a fool guy is thinking about just one question, anytime, anywhere, always in your mind. Yeah, its happen to me I feel foolish because of someone. Someone that im not to sure what I am feel about her. Someone that maybe just think that i am such a foolish guy. Somene that fulfill your day with her appearence, well even its just come in my dream. Someone that because of her you can do anything just to get rid her face on your mind.

So, what is the differences between a fool guy, and an almost fall in love guy… kekekeke… How dare you call me fall in love… If that’s true, so there is no differences between foolish and love… So being in love is mean to be foolish… wakakaka…, that’s a nice quote I think…

Hmmm… but if I thinking much about this feeling… like I said before, “I’m not too sure about this feeling”, so I can just think… or in other perception like “I think I…” that’s a little correct for me. Because to be in love is to being love each other, to give your love to other than you will get love from that person too. That means it would be a mutual relationship. Aha… now i think this is not a mutual relationship too. From my perception that this feeling is just come from my side, and until now actually I didn’t get any sign that in the others side, she could feel the same way .

Huaaaa… this is too embarasing, my head like to gonna explode…

Hmmmm… why she pretend to be such a beautifull queen…??? *or it’s just in my eyes, and mind also *

 

with love,

ontang

Ontang Season-2… :D

Wow,

After almost 1 year, I haven’t update my blog yet, this is my new first post . And also this post will guide us to the new story of ontang, I called it “Ontang Season-2″… taraaa…..

There are so many thing happens in last one year, but i think we should called it a past now. No excited story to tell actually :p. And this is the start point to new story of mine and i will keep the “8 glass of wine, 1 cup of chocolate and half cup of poison” title. Now i couldn’t bear it any longer… huahuahua..

I wonder if there are people that still watching my blog. But I don’t care about it now, cause I think there will be more dangerous if many people now this blog kekeke… Because this new story will be having more fun, more secret, and more lovely than before. You must watch it carefully with all of your heart and mind huehuehuehue…

Yeah I think that’s enough to describe my new coming in this blog.

Be patient, and be wait for it…. Awesome…

 

Regards,

-ontang-

Instrumental Musics

Wow,
She likes the music too… She said that she already listens to the song that I gave from morning to afternoon… She also said that she like instrumental music too. I couldn’t imagine this. I also doesn’t predict that she likes the music. I would be happy if she just listening to the music, but for listening it from morning to afternoon, I already very happy to hear that.

But that is something different about this email. When I read the email, it’s just an ordinary email. I don’t feel something special in that email. She just said that she likes that music and that it is, there is nothing special, likes the email she gave before. Or it’s just my feeling. I really don’t care about it, but actually it’s make me thinking again. I am so afraid that she would not love me. I am afraid she just thinking about me as a friend, and not something else. I am feeling so sick when thinking about that. Deeply inside my heart, I just want she will love me too, not just as a friend, but also as someone special to her.

I am thinking about that deeply, sometimes I would like to not continue this. But I remember my dream when I sleep this day. In my dream I talk with my heart. He asking me a lot of question about her, about how deep I love her, how it will be to love her. I also gave an answer to love her as much as I can, whenever it will be, whenever she will love me or not, I will love her. So that it is, those already give me answer about a lot of question in my mind. So I decide to step forward, to let it flow, to love her with all my heart, and not hope she will love me too.

So I sent her again not just want, but three instrumental music with story for each music. I gave her music for sleep, music when wake up in the morning, and music when have ride to office.
I really-really don’t care if she love me or not, I will just love her as much as I can and make her happy.

Regards,

-ontang-

Funny Animals…???

Here it is…

After I reply her email that contains video about funny dogs, she replied again this day, asking me why I replied her email in the middle of the night. I guess she doesn’t know that I and also my friends in operation division have work shift. So I reply her email, explain that I have work shift and for this week I will have night shift everyday.

But I think, that just giving explanation would be so boring, so I decide to include something in my email too. So I began searching about funny animals in the google and I get one interesting video about funny animals. This video is a set of many funny cat and dog videos. I edited some scene on the video and create my own video, then includes it in my email. So the mail is sent in 01am on (28 November 2007).

After I got back home, I cannot sleep, because I still thinking about the email. I am afraid she will dislike the email or the video that I sent to her. Actually I thinking about her too. I am so afraid that I make mistake that will ruin the relationship between me and her.

But what that I got when I read my email. I totally shocked again, she replied my email and said that She likes to read my email. She said that my email throw away her bad mood. Wow… I totally happy reading it, so that I can stop smiling reading her email. But, not just that, I also received email, means she replied my email twice. In the second replies she said that she really love that funny animals video that I sent includes that email. She also said that she already seen the videos more than ten times… Oh My God… my heart stop beating reading this email…. It’s totally makes me full of love… Even I unpredicted that she will like that video.

I am so happy right now that my heart beating so fast. I cannot sleep thinking how to replied her email again. After thinking many times, I get an idea to give her some music to ride her bad mood. I give her an classic guitar instrumental music that performed by some Japanese band named DEPAPEPE. It’s really a good song and relaxing music to hear. The song titled START. I always listen to that song if I have bad mood in office, so I hope she will likes it too..

I am so happy… I am so happy… every word that she said to me always make me loving her more and more… I hope she will be happy too…

Regards,

-ontang-

Happy Birthday Mba Emi…

Happy Birthday My Sister, Mba Emi…

This day, 27 November, is Birthday of Mba Emi. There are so many of my friend having birthday in November. In this birthday, she buy “Hotdog Booth”, a very big Hotdog, for us. Because of there are so many hotdogs left, we decide to take the hotdog to ninth floor. As you know there is a rule that forbid us to bring food to office. So, my friend tell me to hide the hotdogs in my bag. Hmmm, I am very nervous bringing the hotdogs in my bag. My friend cover me up with my bag when we come in to office. I go forward with a nervous face and doesn’t look to the security. Shorhun said that I look like terrorist bringing that bag in hahahaha…

So in the end, the hotdogs has been successfully delivered to ninth floor, and mission accomplished. Next mission is to eat the hotdogs hehehe… I haven’t eaten yet so I eat the hotdog first. But I am still hungry eating just one hotdog, so I eat one hotdog again, and guess what… I still hungry eating two hotdogs :p. Because of that, in the middle of the night, Me and Pak Ketut have to eat again. We buy “Sate Padang” to fill our empty stomach :p.

While one person get 2 hotdogs, there is still one hotdog left in my table. I cannot guess who will eat the last hotdog. hehehehe… Thanks Mba Emi, Happy Birthday, My God always besides you and always carry your live.

Regards,

-ontang-